Baba Yaga’s UNHCR Video Tribute
After watching the above video and laughing hysterically for over an hour, all I can do is try to set the record straight for some of these pictures:
Cambodia 2001 – Baba Yaga sees two unaccompanied children racing each other along a lonely dirt road. Acting on impulse, she leaps behind a bush and pulls a string across the path. Moments later, the two children trip over the string and land bodily into the dirt. Springing up from her hiding place, Baba Yaga clubs them over the head with her dislocated arm, then scoops them into an empty sack. Casting a nervous glance around her, Baba Yaga races over the hills, heading towards her cauldron in the woods. That night, Baba Yaga makes preteen primavera for the very first time.
Kosovo 2003 – Baba Yaga stops a woman in the street and politely asks her where the nearest orphanage is. Once the woman has served her purpose, Baba Yaga snaps her neck and dumps her body into the water. “No loose ends,” Baba Yaga murmurs, obsessively scrubbing the blood off her hands. “No loose ends...”
Tanzania 2003 – Baba Yaga organizes the first-ever Roast A Child festival. The festivities begin with the traditional Danse Macabre, which Baba Yaga first performed back in the fifteenth century.
Chad 2004 – Baba Yaga sits with her child captives, waiting for the terrified villagers to bring her cauldron to a boil. “Add salt! Add SALT!” she screams. “And some olive oil, too! I don’t want to have to scrape the bottom of that cauldron. It’s pewter! That shit costs money!”
Thailand 2004 – Baba Yaga barters with a young mother over the lives of her two children. “Okay, how do we do this? I have a couple of blankets outside. Two blankets in exchange for two children. Do we have a deal? What? You don’t want blankets? Okay, fine. Well, how about a bag of blow and a razor blade to cut it with? NO? GODDAMMIT! Well, how about I wake up my wig and tell her to maul your face off? Oh, you’ll take the blankets? Oh, good!”
Thailand 2009 – Baba Yaga smiles serenely while a group of terrified children tremble in her makeshift hut. “Oh, you are so welcome,” Baba Yaga says to the clueless parents. “It is my honor to watch your children tonight. We’re going to have so much fun! Right, children?” *brandishes her meat tenderizer at them, prompting them to nod quickly*
Haiti 2009 – Baba Yaga makes casual conversation with an injured child. “So, with your leg all busted up, you won’t be able to run very quickly, huh? Hee, hee, good! I mean, you’ll taste good! I mean, what a shame!”
Ecuador 2010 – A tearful mother shows Baba Yaga a photo of her missing child. “Have you seen her?” she sobs, looking at Baba Yaga with pleading eyes. “Her name is Cassie and she’s been missing since last night! We think somebody snatched her from her bed!” Baba Yaga leans over and examines the photo, picking her teeth with the finger bone of a small child. “Hmmm. Nope. Never saw her in my life. Well, take care now. We’re off to play soccer.”
Malta 2011 – Baba Yaga addresses the group of villagers who followed her into the woods and discovered her secret. “No, I’m afraid I can’t let you out. And before you start screaming again, may I remind you that you got yourselves into this situation? You people just had to be nosy, didn’t you? You just had to follow me into the woods last night. Well, you’ve left me no choice, have you? Which is a shame, really, considering I have nothing against you. And I hope you’re happy because I had to abandon my cauldron full of sibling soup. Sure, I can heat it up again tonight, but it won’t taste the same.”