Baba Yaga Was Fitted For Horns

Baba Yaga Was Fitted For Horns

And before any of you get started with me, I know this entire story is full of shit! Since when does Baba Yaga need to be fitted for fake horns? All you have to do is play a sound bite of children screaming and two horns will automatically stick out of her forehead. After all, there is nothing that excites Baba Yaga more than the sound of screaming children. In fact, she wants to create a soundtrack of children screaming over the sound of ocean waves. So relaxing. Especially after a long day of sodomizing goats and tenderizing toddler meat.

Anyway, as most of you know, Baba Yaga will be playing Maleficent in an upcoming movie and apparently, she was recently fitted for horns: “It’s a really great script. I’m having a lot of fun. I’ve already got my horns fitted. My kids are very happy.

And once again, I am going to adjust that quote so that it actually makes sense to us: “Who wrote this piece of shit script? I have never read such pretentious crap in all my life! Obviously, the writer has no idea how to plagiarize! I am not having fun at all! Dammit, my horns are poking out of my forehead again! Goddamn kids! They’re the reason I’m so stressed out at the moment! Obviously, I’m feeding them too much kibble! Well, no more! From now on, they’re only getting one feeding a day!”

And this was followed by Baba Yaga lurching out into the backyard and spraying Goat Bitch in the eye with the hose. Yes. Just like Maman, Baba Yaga knows that the secret to life is abusing those who are less fortunate. Yeah, and why do I have the sneaking suspicion that Maman and Baba Yaga have been trading sexy messages in a Match.com chatroom?

MuppetSlipper666: So tell me a little bit about yourself.

DecayingCorpse69: Well, I like long walks on the beach, worshiping Satan, and eating toddler stew on chilly winter nights. What about you?

MuppetSlipper666: My, you sound wonderful. I enjoy beating my daughter, terrorizing Tokyo, and baking banana bread in my spare time.

DecayingCorpse69: Mmmm. You sound perfect.

MuppetSlipper666: Why, thank you. You also sound like a very lovely woman. Now put down that toddler stew and sit on my face. I am going to suck your soul out through your uterus.

DecayingCorpse69: Too late.

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Comments:

Team Wig
Team Wig said:

Dear lord, Caps! So Baba Yaga is an ex gay now? You're beyond ridiculous!

Mar 29 at 10:59am
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Capsie, are we going there? Baba Yaga is not an ex-gay. And I agree with GGFW, there are no ex-gays. You can't change your sexual orientation.

Mar 29 at 10:59am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

Ex-gays ?
Capsie, we all know you're stupid but you will never cease to amaze me ? Sigh...

Mar 29 at 11:00am
Goat Bitch's Tears
Goat Bitch's Tears said:

Capsie, people are gay. Period. They can't change that. Ex-gays are liars and many of them realize that they can't change who they are.

Mar 29 at 11:00am
Goat Bitch's Tears
Goat Bitch's Tears said:

And I'm not gay, but I think "ex-gays" set the gay rights movement back about 100 years. It's a shame.

Mar 29 at 11:01am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

I totally agree, GBT. Ex-gays are ridiculous.

Mar 29 at 11:02am
Slutty Gay Friend
Slutty Gay Friend said:

ex-gays? capsie, do yourself a favor and shut the hell up.

Mar 29 at 11:03am
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet said:

Dairy Queef, sit the fuck down. The ex-gay myth will get you nowhere in resolving your obvious self-loathing. You know what will help? Stop lying about who you are. Oh, you didn't hear me? Didn't understand? I'll repeat. STOP LYING ABOUT WHO YOU ARE! Your fascination with my lady parts is not a marker of a heterosexual woman, so please, just come clean.

Mar 29 at 11:03am
Slutty Gay Friend
Slutty Gay Friend said:

*hugs jen* exactly. the whole ex-gay movement is a myth. like the myth of goat bitch's penis. we all know it doesn't exist.

Mar 29 at 11:04am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

Jen, Capsie will feel so liberated once she comes out. Capsie, admit your love for Pammykins!

Mar 29 at 11:05am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

LMAO, SGF!

Mar 29 at 11:05am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

By the way, where's Pammy ? I miss her...hope she's fine !

Mar 29 at 11:06am
Greek Girl's Future Wife
Greek Girl's Future Wife said:

*Applauds Jen*

Mar 29 at 11:06am
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet said:

Chris, you have it exactly right, and you remember. You sense penis before it even enters the room and yet there was nothing around Goat Bitch. Except for missing hair accessories.

Mar 29 at 11:06am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

Handsome, I don't know. I miss her too!

Mar 29 at 11:07am
Slutty Gay Friend
Slutty Gay Friend said:

jen, hahaha! that's so true!

Mar 29 at 11:08am
Slutty Gay Friend
Slutty Gay Friend said:

handsome, i really miss pammykins! she needs to come back and poke fun at capsie!

Mar 29 at 11:08am
drpamful
drpamful said:

FINALLY!!! Baba Y&ga found two women who look older than she! Very Good!

Mar 29 at 11:08am
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet said:

There you are, Pammykins!

Mar 29 at 11:09am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

Pammykins, oh my God! We were just talking about you! Handsome, you're psychic!

Mar 29 at 11:09am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

Pammy, there you are ! ^_____^

Mar 29 at 11:10am
drpamful
drpamful said:

Hey guys I am here- my day has been busy- I have missed all you guys!

Baba Yaga looks like a Bobble Head Doll.

Mar 29 at 11:10am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

MAybe a little , TW ! :)

Mar 29 at 11:10am
Team Wig
Team Wig said:

We missed you too!

Mar 29 at 11:10am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

By the way, Jen, I already knew that SGF had a penis sense. It's always tingling when I'm around :)

Mar 29 at 11:11am
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet said:

Handsome, I expected nothing less. How decadent of you both!

Mar 29 at 11:13am
drpamful
drpamful said:

I can't believe Capsie still dotes on Baba Yaga. She has become a joke! Capsie, don't you hate it when Jolie has to drag out children stories and refugee pics to counteract her declining public appeal as an actress? It really is shocking the public did not embrace for stealing a story and celebrating rape. So, fickle, the public.

Mar 29 at 11:13am
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Handsome, that was decadent! LMAO

Mar 29 at 11:14am
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Hi, Pammykins!

Mar 29 at 11:15am
The French Knight
The French Knight said:

Hehe...I have to go now...I'll check the blog before sleep as usual ...have a nice day, mon amie and my fellow hos !

Mar 29 at 11:20am
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Have a wonderful night, Handsome!

Mar 29 at 11:21am
drpamful
drpamful said:

Hello to all the Ho's! I am so glad AG is back and posting. I wish I was not so tied up this morning. Great to see everyone. Capsie, WTF? An ex gay??? BTW, It does not matter that Jolie was with Jenny S. Jesus if that does not get you in the LESBIAN HALL OF FAME, what does Caps???

Mar 29 at 12:33pm
drpamful
drpamful said:

There is no statue of limitations on being with Jenny S. Capsie.

Mar 29 at 12:34pm
The Angry Aussie
The Angry Aussie said:

Just wanted to point out that the smiling old lady looks like my grandmother o_o

Capsie, shut the fuck up about the AG. You don't know her, you never will and no amount of nights spent masturbating alone with a frozen hotdog will change it. Kindly go play in traffic.

Mar 29 at 2:26pm
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Pammykins, it's so nice to see you too!

Mar 29 at 3:06pm
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

Angry Aussie, you too! Always a pleasure!

Mar 29 at 3:06pm
The Angry Aussie
The Angry Aussie said:

Hey Old Fogey! Long time no talk!

Mar 29 at 3:35pm
Anonymous Bitch said:

Hi hos! (Hugs & cuddles everyone).

Caps, you blithering idiot. The last thing anyone needs to do is suppress their sexual orientation. Date women or men or everyone in between... it is much healthier for the person or society to be true to themselves. People have gone crazy and become murdering sadists trying to suppress who they really are. Now for the weirdos who are not attracted to adults or humans or the living, that is another story! But, normal gay people aren't weird. They are just gay. I think the He-Man cartoon put a few on their path early on, but... there you go. Now to the weirdo known as Baba Yaga. If she is your model of sexuality, I am actually a little worried because she is into Jamie even more than Jenny.

Mar 31 at 4:07am
Anonymous Bitch said:

Capsie, you are the reason I hate people.

-Becca

Apr 2 at 4:53pm
Anonymous Bitch said:

Ok, Hos, My best guy friend, Chris A.K.A. Best Fwend's Minion, and myself want to go on a road trip across the US and meet with all the US Hos. We will call it Ho-Con. After this Ho-Con, I will start rasing money to meet all of the Hos outside of the US. Who's in for Ho-Con?

-Becca

Apr 2 at 5:48pm
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet
Rudolph's SCRAM bracelet said:

Becca, I'm in for Ho-Con! That would be so awesome to meet you!

Apr 2 at 6:28pm
LusciousLynn
LusciousLynn said:

Ho-Con sounds awesome! I'm in!

Apr 3 at 3:14pm
The Angry Aussie
The Angry Aussie said:

I'm gonna be in the states in July anyway :D

Apr 3 at 4:02pm
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

AB, how did I miss your comment? Hugs and cuddles back!

Apr 5 at 12:48am
Anonymous Bitch said:

Ho-Con is being planned! UGH! I CAN'T WAIT!

-Becca

Apr 9 at 6:22pm
Anonymous Bitch said:

Belatedly hugs and cuddles OF back. Then puts on best of AB's music collection, serves cookies, and throws an extravagant ho party.

Hearing of the party, Goat Bitch excitedly dons this lovely item he found on esty. Or, as he calls it, 'the esty': http://www.etsy.com/listing/94495395/vintage-edwardian-dress-1900s-girls...

Finally, he feels pretty again. GB has suffered so much lately! Baba Yaga has locked up all of her clothing... even little Vivienne has hidden her collection of stylish bows and barettes. But if there was to be a hooker convention GB would attend. It would be like a class reunion.

Apr 11 at 5:20am
Anonymous Bitch said:

OH MY GOD these two fucking twats are getting married? I thought baba and goat were opposed to marriage until every gay in every state could marry and blahblahblah. fucking hypocrites. I suppose their careers are in the toilet so they have to do something. I still might puke in my damned sun hat though. MY SUN HAT I TELL YOU CAPSIE! IMMA PUKE IN IT AND SEND IT TO YOU! f***'ing brangeli-bullshit.

Apr 13 at 2:01pm
helebette
helebette said:

oh, sorry, that was me. I was so annoyed that I lost my lesbo avatar.

Apr 13 at 2:03pm
helebette
helebette said:

I apologize for offending twats everywhere by comparing them to brangeliars. our twats are wonderful and sacred and not to be compared with that PR nightmare.

Apr 13 at 2:04pm
Old Fogey
Old Fogey said:

AB, LMAO! I'm sure Goat Bitch looks lovely in that dress. He has delicate ankles.

Apr 13 at 3:45pm

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